


Ex obscurum

by BrokenPoet12



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angry scully, Angst, Bamf scully, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenPoet12/pseuds/BrokenPoet12
Summary: Follows the events of Orison. A reaction to Scully's quesitoning of her faith, and Mulders of his own.





	

Part one - Scully

The smell. She hated the damned smell. Cordite and sulfur clinging to her hands, reeking, reminding. Suddenly the sound of the metal casing pounded in her ears as she watched it drop. It dropped. And then, after a moment so did he. Over and over she replayed it. Her sluggish movement. The weight of the weapon, drawn at last from it's useless place on the floor. The way he had looked at her, baiting her, taunting her, and then at the last moment there had simply been nothing. Except for the fullfillment in his smirk, as if she had done something he meant her to.

He had been evil. She was sure.

But what had she been?

And still the smell clung to her. The skin of her hands already raw from several harsh scrubbings which did nothing to remove the smell of black powder. Reactions. The firing pin slams into the shell, igniting the powder, propelling the bullet, the bullet tumbles and then hits it's mark. Reactions. He had tried to kill her. Again. She had killed him. Pulled the trigger. She reacted. The weapon reacted. His death was reaction. But now all she had left was remorse and guilt and a shame so ugly she felt that no amount of cleaning could ever help again. Stiffling a sob she reached to pull open the bathroom door. Instead it creaked noisly open, as if to declare that she would never escape freely again. And stepping from the bathroom, knowing his eyes were already seeking her own, she couldn't face him.

She was tainted.

X

The cold from the window drew a shudder from her pale and bruised lips. Running a finger over the split, she smiled absently, almost believeing the bruise to be from a gentle lover. Her illusions shattered when he stepped up beside her. She was ashamed, and in that she hated him for seeing her weak. Had she been stronger, braver she would have turned to strike him. But she stood, for a moment refusing to meet his gaze.

"If you want to pack some things we can get out of here"

A taste as bitter as blood rose in her throat and she wanted to scream at him. Instead she mumbled her asent, moving to keep him from intruding. To keep herself sane.

Unbidden the chill as she brushed the worn leather of her bible shocked her. Clarity struck her like the physical blows across the face she had withstood earlier. Now though, she buckled. Not trusting her legs to keep her standing, she folded herself feebly onto her bed. And again she hated the man looming above her. So tired was she of being less, of being unworthy, of being ashamed.

"You can't judge yourself"

As if he could know.

"Maybe..I don't have to." The bitterness in her voice is sure to wound him, but she needs to. Perhaps his own discomfort will chase away a moment of hers.

"The bible allows for vengance."

"But the law doesn't." He leans in to comfort her but she flinches from the guesture. The wounded look only takes a moment to be stripped from his features.

"The way I see it... he didn't give you a choice. And my report will reflect that... in case you're worried. Donnie Pfaster would've surely killed again if given the chance. "

It was at this moment that she met his eyes. Angry. Outraged. Exhausted. Every emotion playing one right after the other for him to see. He recoiled and she relished it for a moment. All to soon the true gravity of the situation sunk in and it visibly ripped her into pieces.

" He was evil, Mulder. I'm sure about that, without a doubt. But there's one thing that I'm not sure of. "

Now she sounded desperate. Trying to convince herself that she hadn't just murdered a man.

"What's that? " Finally she heard the fear hitching his voice. Fear she had seen in his eyes as he traveled so many times too far down the roads of pity and shame. He was afraid for her. Or perhaps of her.

"Who was at work in me. Or what... what made me... what made me pull the trigger. " He was evil. Wasn't he? Or was it...

"You mean if it was God? "

...me.

"I mean...what if it wasn't.?"

 

Part 2 - Mulder

In the end it was she who broke. Clinging to him, begging him to make her clean again. And as always he obliged without a second thought. Stripping her of her doubts and grief as well as her bloodstained clothing. In the quiet of his apartment he attempted to restore to her, something of the vitality he had seen before, months ago. Entwined under the hot embrace of the water, he whispered things he never would have told her. Never should have told her. And she wept, the salt combined with the water rolling down the skin of his neck then fell away.

Her first hesitant touch came long after the water had turned cold. The second touch, more insistent and pointed drew him from his stupor. Now his hands were on her, touching, caressing, soothing and healing. Carefully he drew a fingure over her abused lips, tenderly settling on the corner of her mouth. Her hands in his hair pulled his mouth to hers. Nearing reverence he continued to touch her, dragging fingertips one by one across every inch of exposed skin.

He couldn't allow himself to think.

She tore her lips from his and continued her attack on his chin and neck, sometimes nipping at the sensitive skin, making him quiver.

He couldn't allow himself to dwell on the ways she was using him.

So he let her consume him.

With a growl he lifted her, pining her between his slick chest and the slick tile. His fingers found her in seconds and began to sooth the tension from her. Each time her head lolled back, it hit sharply against the tile and he winced as he felt the impact through her fragile body. But the increasing presure of her nails biting into his skin kept his concerns at bay.

Sometimes he hurt himself. Apparantly so did she.

After a moment she was begging for him to complete what he had started. Blood tasted coppery in his mouth as he bit back a sob, whether of anguish or frustration even he couldn't tell. Again he obliged her. Sinking into her hard, trying to repay some of her pain with his own. It made him sick to want revenge after all she had been trough. But the hatred had been written on her face. He failed to protect her. He failed her when it had mattered. And perhaps she would never forgive him. He could live with that, even as she was grinding against him in a desperate effort to release whatever had built inside her.

For a moment he realised what she had meant about feeling ugly shame that left you dirty. But as soon as he grasped the knowlegde that he too had been tainted it slipped away as he fell over the edge.

Red haze was all he could see as she extracted herself from him. Somehow on his knees, still in the small tile stall he watched her retreat from him. His heart could not be stilled. His breath would not be caught. Bowing forward, he curled into himself and did something he had never done before.

He prayed. He prayed for her forgiveness and for her mercy. He prayed that whatever had happened while she was Pfasters' prisoner would be as easily wiped from her mind as the water she now worked furiously to dry. Dry sobs wracked him, no tears could come. Not when he was so angry at her. At everything.

Her arms settling around his bare skin made him start violently. Pulling her roughly against his body he held her, unwilling to let her go, even if she chose to fight. She didn't. Instead she was at last still. Different. Peaceful. A soft kiss reasured him of that. Begging his forgiveness without words.

And he obliged. What else could he do when he loved her so?

Forgiven for something he never could have stopped.

Forgiving for something he could understand all too well.

End.


End file.
